Last night before the unknown

Our last night in the States, before we take a giant leap into the unknown. We’ve both never been to Europe. Mark has never left the country. We’ve never taken a monumental trip like this before. We’re probably under-packed and over-packed at the same time. We haven’t finished some (minor) errands, nor have we said all the things we’ve wanted to say to friends & family.

I was reading an entry I wrote a few weekends ago when we moved out of our apartment in Irvine, and it kinda sums up how I feel tonight:

Everything is packed.

We’re really moving out. I feel a great sense of sadness, like I’m leaving my comfort zone. I am afraid I will be homesick. I am afraid things will never be the same. I am afraid I will never be able to come back. I’m afraid I’ll lose all my friends. I’m afraid I’ll get bored. I’m afraid I won’t change after this trip.

But at the same time I am nervous and excited about what lies ahead. I keep reminding myself that I’ll only be gone for 5 months, but to me it feels like a long time. 5 months without a home, stable income, or anything permanent. It really does sound like I’m going through a mid-life crisis.

I’m starting to worry about events months in advance. I’m worrying about finances (though I shouldn’t, we’ve budgeted enough for this trip), illnesses, and whether my jacket is too heavy for Morocco, or warm enough for Iceland. I wonder if our things in storage are ok.

Heck, what are we doing?!? Are we crazy? Is this even a good idea??!? Are we even ready for this type of adventure? I know Mark & I are pretty bad with planning ahead for crucial events in advance (mainly because he’d be busy with work, and I’m quite non-committal with itineraries and dates), so this may be a giant comedy of errors. We’re both having pre-trip anxiety.

I make it sound like we’re going away forever (and we’re not…at least for now), but it sure feels like it. My biggest hope for this trip is that we DO learn something about ourselves and each other, and learn about the world and see how we fit. To leave my comfort zone and see how far I can push myself, and to find solace in just living each day. Hopefully we’ll be good about keeping this blog updated and look back and see how far we’ve come along.


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